A Proposition for Comedian Barry Cheese

This is an email I sent to the comedian Barry Cheese, proprietor of BarryCheese.com. I sent him a letter asking if I could adapt his act for an American audience. Hopefully, hilarity will ensue.

Dear Mr. Barry Cheese,

Salutations from the good old red, white, and blue! Allow me to introduce myself. My name is N. Lawrence Ciarelli and I manage comedic acts and performers right here in America (A.K.A. "the good old red, white, and blue!"). I recently came across your website by (happy) accident sometime ago and I found your comedic persona quite intriguing. It aroused me so that I immediately went on an internet search and rescue in order to find some of your performances. Unfortunately, struck by fate's cruel design, I could not find any videos related to your work. I feel it is unfair for the American public to be robbed of such a potentially comedic mind, and with all the mediums comedy is shown through, I feel the that it is within our ability to share your gift with a wider audience. This is why I have a propositon for you.

I am not sure if you are aware of the term 'backtrisking'. You see, this when one comedian's act and persona is adapted for a new audience by another comedian. For example, famed British satirist Peter Cook had his act adapted for American audiences during the 1970's by a man named Richard Dunder. Dunder would perform Cook's normal material (jokes about taxes, apple juice, pavilions), but he would give it a little twist so that it would be more relatable for an American audience. He performed throughout the Midwest for nearly ten years and helped establish Iowa's Laugh Hole as one of America's Top 25 comedy clubs. Sadly, he died crossing an unstable beaver dam sometime ago.

I am in the processes of backtrisking your act utilizing the talents of an up-and-coming comedian that I am managing. His name is Harold 'Speck' Guise (he goes by his son's name). If Americans found Ray Romano cunning, then they'll find Mr. Guise both cunning AND Machiavellian. Guise will be using his stage name during these performances, but we hope to use your material as he is touring. Based on your website, I, along with Speck, have devised some jokes and material we found that would be akin to your sense of humor.

I couldn't help but notice the your catchphrase, "SMILE SAY CHEESE", at the start of you website. I feel that this is a perfect joke to backtrisk. We plan on changing this catchphrase to, "Bring some of that cheese over here, Lionel!", which is a quote taken from the hit American sitcom "Lionel Said Richie". I believed that American's will embrace this joke with open arms, as "Lionel Said Richie" is one of the highest rated shows in our country. We feel this is our first step in rejuvenating American stand-up comedy. I would really appreciate if you could please forward more of your material for Speck and I to backtrisk. I hope we can have your blessing in going forth with this project, and if it succeeds, I will give you the some American stand-up comedy jokes that you can backtrisk for fellow Britishers to perform. Thank you for your time, Mr. Cheese, and I hope to hear from you soon.

- N. Lawrence Ciarelli


UPDATE

This was Barry Cheese's response to my letter.

Hi Nick, Thanks for the email.
Althought I'm a mainstream comic and been around for 40 years or so, most of my material is set up for 50/60 year olds but I will take a look and see if i can put together a dvd.

Thnks a gain,"Bring some of that cheese over here, Lionel!"

BARRY CHEESE

Keane to break up at the end of 2009

This is an article I wrote in November of 2008, after learning of a much circulated (not really) rumor that the Toto-tribute band Coldplay would break up at the end of 2009. The publication of this article coincides with the unveiling of my new website where I will count down the days till Moses Martin is finally legal.

From NME.com:

Just minutes after it was announced that Coldplay would be splitting up at the end of 2009, the BRIT award winning band Keane announced that they too would also end at the end of 2009.

"I just think the band has run it's course," front man Tom Chaplin said on Friday. The band, best known for their 2004 hit single "Somewhere Only We Know", agrees with Coldplay that bands tend to overstay their welcome as they get older.

"I mean, I'm 32 years old mate," pianist Tim-Rice Oxley said at a press conference. "I can't be rocking out in my knickers when I'm a 63 year old. Coldplay has helped us realize that we too have run our course."

But that doesn't mean fans should loose hope for a future reunion. Chaplin said that, "If Coldplay reunites within the next few years, I can see that as an appropriate time for a reunion tour. Maybe even a new record."

There is no word yet on if the news of Coldplay's break up has affected the of careers Snow Patrol, The Kooks, The Fray, Augustana, Travis, or Mute Math.